Vintage Thing No.23 - Austin Allegro

The Austin Allegro has been voted the Worst Car Ever and I feel compelled to leap to defend this much misunderstood little car. Allegros are far too mainstream to normally feature as a Vintage Thing but if those of us who make the rules can't break 'em, who can? Aye, and there's the rub.

Everybody's heard about Allegros, especially after this dubious accolade. They are famous for all the wrong reasons. But at least they are famous. Who ever remembers the Chrysler (later Talbot) Sunbeam? Or the Datsun Cherry? What about all those grey porridge Japanese cars like Datsun Cherrys and Mazda 626s that sank the likes of British Leyland? Okay, so they may have had some help from cars like the Marina, the Maxi and - yes - the Allegro but hundreds of thousands of these ostensibly better cars were built and where are they now?

They've been largely forgotten, unlike the much maligned Allegro, an example of which I use to get to the station.

I never set out to acquire an Allegro. To cut a very involved story short, I had a Scottish girlfriend who bought an Allegro for transport when she moved down. When she moved back to Scotland there was a hefty phone bill because she was a very sociable person and kept in touch with all her distant friends. I paid the bill and she let me have the car.

I've kept it because it's useful and it smells nice. As Allegros go, it's quite a good one and still has a smart interior that reeks of whatever glue they used in these old cars. It's not fast although it feels quick after I've driven my diesel van and it's not a sportscar. It's comfortable and gets me from A to B, typically from my house to the station in Liskeard. For pootling around the Cornish lanes, it's ideal.

I've had it for nearly ten years and of course it has let me down in that time but it's very simple to fix. Parts for the drivetrain are the same as Minis and Metros and they are considered that bad, are they? Nowadays, my Allegro's got electronic ignition from a Metro. I've acquired a Hydragas fluid pump and replaced the pipes and hoses that feature in the suspension system. that was a big job, mark you, but I am now equal to anything the Hydragas system can throw at me - provide the front units don't fail. Replacements for these are now unobtainable unless they are good secondhand units, which of course is a contradiction in terms for these parts.

I've done a certain amount of welding on it and resprayed it once with some touching in here and there since. The engine smokes quite a bit from cold but doesn't use much oil really and still gets through its emmissions.

One of my mates wrote to BL on behalf of his parents once when they owned one from new to complain about the oil consumption they suffered. The reply was anything better than 300 miles to a pint and they should count themselves lucky.

I don't believe the Allegro's reputation is justified. I don't believe this popularist survey is an example of democracy at work. I reckon it was a lot of people who don't know much about cars trying to show how much they know about cars when really they're showing how little they now about them.

I bought a spare tyre for it the other day. The owner of the tyre fitting bay said, "That's an Allegro wheel! A very comfortable car!"

I knew someone who had a Ford Capri but regretted getting rid of his Allegro 1300 Super (just like mine!) because it was faster, more economical and handled better.

People who really know about cars or have personal experience of Allegros know that they are not all bad.

The Allegro will never be a good car but it is already a great car - great as in the car with the greatest, baddest and worst reputation of all time. Mine is getting rusty from sitting outside at the station during the day in all weathers whereas nowadays it should be cosseted more, as befits a 29 year old Vintage Thing. Conversely, the windscreen rubbers are perishing from exposure to sunlight and the tops of the brown velour seats are fading, especially the rear ones. Something more modern may be called for, something with - let's face it - better build quality and more rustproofing.

I heard about the Allegro attaining recognition as the Worst Car Ever at a party on Saturday night. I'd used mine to get me there, y'see. But as the stories of Allegro aggravated mechanical disasters began, they soon outnumbered by accounts of how easy they were to fix.

A mate of a mate said his Allegro seized up on the way from Callington once. "It just went bleargh...," he said with memorable hand gestures, imitating the pilot of an aeroplane nose diving into the ground. "But we waited for a while and after it had cooled down we just carried on." Try doing that to a VW Lupo.

The Allegro attracts all sorts of abuse, often because of its terrible reputation, but it comes back for more if you let it. It may not be as reliable as more modern cars but it can be fixed. More modern cars don't go wrong so often but when they do it's often "Goodnight Vienna." The parts aren't available or are prohibitively expensive.

My Allegro is a sustainable motorcar. It has kept going longer than many more expensive, less memorable rivals. But it is showing its age. I ought to give it an easier life once I've sorted out its rust because I don't want it coming through again. The only problem is, what could do my Allegro's current job as easily? Nothing has sprung to mind. The nearest alternative seems to be a good condition Nissan Micra, another little blob made in England. I know they're reliable but how easy would one of those be to fix?

If it doesn't go wrong that won't be an issue. Driving a Micra wouldn't be quite the same adventure. The romance of travel would be lost.

But would it get the smiles and waves as I drive by?